So, What's the Catch?
by pupeez4eva
Summary: Wally is sure he's about to die. After all, he's just asked Batman if he can date Robin, and Batman seems…surprisingly okay with it? BirdFlash.


Wally shifted uncomfortably. He'd told himself that he was going to be calm, and poised, and all the things that he usually wasn't, but…well, it was hard to be the picture of grace when Batman was staring at you in all his Bat-like glory.

(Well, okay, he was currently out of costume, and dressed in an outfit that was probably worth more than Wally's house…but he was still intimidating as hell).

"So," Wally choked, "uh…um…I know that you're probably really mad right now — "

Batman sighed. "I'm not mad."

"But uh — look, I care about Dick, okay?"

Batman nodded stiffly. "That's fine Wally."

Wally swallowed, and shifted ( _again,_ goddammit). "I know you probably don't believe me — "

Batman's eye twitched, and Wally felt his breath quicken. Oh god, that wasn't a good sign, that was _not a good sign_ _—_ maybe this was a good time to abort the mission. Dating Dick could wait, couldn't it? Sure Dick was super hot, and super smart, and super datable, but he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon…

' _Yeah, no, shut up Wally_ _—_ _you are DOING this._ _'_

"I believe you Wally," Batman growled. "Now I really need to get back to my work."

"Dick is my best friend!" Wally cried desperately (oh god, was that another eye twitch?). "A-and I have feelings for him, and I'm just asking for the opportunity to explore those feelings and — and find out if he feels the same and — uh, well…"

Batman closed his eyes, and inhaled sharply. Wally took a step back, and prepared to die.

"I _know_ Wally," Batman said at last, his voice strained, yet far more controlled than Wally had expected. "You can date Dick. Now, I have a lot of work to do, so I'd very much appreciate it if you could _get out of my house._ _"_

Wally blinked. "I can date Dick?"

"Yes."

"…What's the catch?"

Batman sighed, looking like he very much wanted to be anywhere else. "There is no catch. You're free to date Dick — if he agrees."

Wally squinted. "…We're talking about Dick _Grayson,_ _"_ he said slowly. "As in _Richard Grayson_ …as in _Robin._ _"_

"I _know,_ _"_ Batman growled.

Wally took a step backwards. "Oh," he said meekly. "I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page."

"Who _else_ would we be talking about?" Batman snapped, and then immediately looked like he regretted asking the question.

"Uh, I don't know," Wally choked (seemingly oblivious to Batman's mental face-palming). "Maybe you misunderstood what we were talking about. I mean, Dick is a great name, but there are a lot of dicks we know, right? Like Roy! Roy can be a _huge_ dick! Complete asshole sometimes, I swear, although don't get me wrong, I do love the guy. And…Supey, there's Supey, because let me tell you the guy can hold a _grudge!_ And Kaldur…well Kal's kind of perfect in every way, but I'm sure — "

" _Wally._ _"_

Wally's stopped abruptly, and stared at Batman in terror.

Batman's eyes narrowed. "Are you planning on dating Red Arrow, Superboy, or Aqualad?"

Wally's eyes widened. "Uh, is this a trick question?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Batman's jaw clenched. "Just answer," he snarled.

"No sir," Wally replied, shaking his head rapidly. "Dick's the only Dick on my mind! …And when I say that, I mean I'm thinking about _him,_ and not his dick. Because you're Batman. And I would _never_ say that to you."

Batman glared.

"N-not that I'd say that if someone else was standing here instead. Because I respect Dick 100%. In fact, I don't even think about it at all, ever, because that is _not_ okay. Nope. Not at all. _Ever_ _— "_

Batman's fists tightened, and Wally's ramble came to a sudden halt.

"Would you like to finish this conversation now?" Batman asked, a dangerous note in his voice.

Wally nodded weakly.

"Alright then," Batman continued, his expression blank, and his breathing even. In Wally's opinion, it was one of the most terrifying things he'd ever seen. "Why don't you tell me — in no more than _one_ sentence — exactly what you want."

"Uh…well, Dick — " Wally paled.

Batman's eyes narrowed. "Let's just call him Robin, shall we?"

Wally nodded hurriedly. "Yes. Of course. Whatever you want B-man — I mean Batman — " He caught sight of the dangerous glint in Batman's eyes, and hurried on. "Um, can I date Di — Robin! Can I date Robin? Please?"

Batman gave one curt nod. "Alright."

Wally opened his mouth.

" _Go_ before I change my mind!" Batman snarled, his eyes flashing.

Wally whirled around, and hurried to the door. He paused (and as he did, wondered _why_ he was stopping — he'd gotten what he wanted, he should be running for his life right now, before Batman changed his mind, and decided to dangle him off a building or something).

"Uh, you're not going to change your mind, right?" Wally asked quickly. "Or…any last minute threats? No, _'_ _if you hurt him, I_ _'_ _ll destroy you_ _'_ …?"

"I won't need to," Batman replied calmly. "I've trained Robin well."

Wally paled. "Uh, right, of course you have," he choked out. "Well, I'll be going then. For real this time. Uh…bye."

And with that, he was gone. Batman closed his eyes, and let out a sigh of relief

…And then remembered that, if Dick ignored his best instincts, and agreed to date Wally, he'd would be seeing _a lot_ more of the teen. Well, it would be best not to worry about that yet. His ward was smart, after all. Surely Dick would do the right thing and say no…

(And then he thought about that adorable nine year old, clinging to his leg, and begging him to _"_ _let KF come and play, please Bruce, please? I promise we won_ _'_ _t spill chocolate milk on the Batman suit again! That was an accident and KF SWEARS that he won_ _'_ _t go near it ever again!_ _"_ _)._

Oh god, he should have run him over with the Batmobile when he had the chance.

…

 **AN:**

 **So, I** **'** **m back with more YJ/Batman fics! For those of you who read my chaptered fics, I will be getting to those REALLY soon. I** **'** **ve just got back from holiday a few weeks ago, so I** **'** **m just settling back in (and being incredibly slow, as usual xD). I** **'** **ll try to get back to those fics as soon as I can.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this! Tell me what you think :)**


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